Okay God, what are you doing?

I just got home from church. While at church, I got some pretty raunchy news. You see, I've been waiting all summer to hear if and when my school is going to get a modular classroom for my sixth grade class. You read that right. It's July 27th, and I still don't have a classroom. To make matters worse, this is the second summer in a row that this has happened to me. Last summer I didn't get to move into my classroom until a week AFTER school started. For a week, my 24 6th graders had to cram into the tiny home ec room and had to sit crammed together in a stuffy, worn-out classroom. Then over Labor Day weekend (a week after school started) I came in and set up my classroom. If you're not a teacher you might not fully comprehend the ridiculosity of this situation. Anyways...back to the raunchy news. I had been praying my brains out that my classroom would be approved at tonight's township meeting. I was jittery with anticipation. Half-way through the church service I noticed our director of finance administration was back in the room. He was supposed to be at the township meeting. I though, "Oooo goody! I get to find out that my classroom was approved." I sat in suspense through the rest of the service. The ending prayers took FOREVER! Finally, our DFA spoke up and informed us that the township took us off of the docket. They won't approve us for at least another two weeks. Keep in mind we requested this back in February or March. I just wanted to cry in the middle of the service.

God has really been molding my heart and mind this summer about trusting him. I know he can do all things. I just don't know if he will choose to do all things. He might choose to let me suffer so I can learn a lesson. What if I don't want to learn a lesson? What if I already learned the lesson last summer? I thought I was really making progress. Now I've been slammed back to my old doubting. I love God. I want to serve him. I KNOW he has my best interests at heart. But right here, right now, it sure doesn't feel like it. I think I should probably go listen to some Laura Story and watch some Dog the Bounty Hunter. That'll make me feel better.

Lord, Change My Attitude- Book Review

I just finished reading a great book during my daily devotional time. It's called Lord, Change My Attitude Before It's Too Late by author and pastor James MacDonald of Harvest Bible Chapel. MacDonald also hosts a radio program on Moody radio called Walk in the Word, and his church has started several other churches throughout the Midwest. He has a great ministry.

I heard about this book back in 2009 during our Seminary Wives Fellowship meetings. The professors' wives were all reading through this book together and then presented the chapters to the rest of us. During the time, I was having a really bad attitude about my life circumstances. I was living 900+ miles from home, was poorer than dirt because of seminary, had started my teaching career, and rarely saw my husband because of his seminary and work schedule. To top it off, I really didn't want to be at these SWF meetings because they were held in the same building that I taught in. The last thing I wanted to do was come back to the building where I had already spent 8+ hours earlier that day. Needless to say, my heart was ripe for the message of this book. I decided to put it on my Amazon wishlist, and my dad bought it for me for Christmas (we both have a slight obsession with purchasing books off of Amazon).

I started reading it shortly after that, then put it down for a few months, then picked it up again around the next Thanksgiving, then put it down for a few months, and I just finished it this morning as part of my devotions. I wish I would have had the time to finish it in a shorter time frame. Oh well.

The book is divided into 10 chapters with every odd numbered chapter describing a bad attitude and every even numbered chapter describing what to replace that bad attitude with. A lengthy epilogue wraps it all up nicely. The five bad attitudes covered are as follows: a complaining attitude, a covetous attitude, a critical attitude, a doubting attitude, and a rebellious attitude. Upon first reading the chapters, I caught myself thinking "Oh, this doesn't apply to me," and then ended the chapters thinking "Ouch, it actually does apply to me." I really do have an attitude problem.

I really appreciated how MacDonald explained how to fix these attitude problems. I'm all about application. I also liked how he applied the story of the Israelites and their wilderness wanderings to these bad attitudes. He contrasted how the Israelites chose a life of wilderness wandering because of their complaining attitudes. They could have had a life in the Promised Land if they would have trusted God's timing. He didn't just pull random verses out of context to prove his point. He systematically went through the story of the Israelites and applied it to his principles delineated in his book. He relied heavily on Scripture throughout the book. It's easy for Christian authors to fall into the trap of throwing Scripture into their books as an afterthought. MacDonald doesn't fall into this trap. He builds his book around Scripture.

I strongly recommend this book to individuals struggling with contentment in their lives. If you can't understand why you are so unhappy all of the time, pick up this book and apply the principles to your own life. But if you're not prepared to apply what you read to your own heart and life, you will never change. MacDonald says in his epilogue, "If you're not turning to Him (Jesus) and walking intimately and personally with Him, you will never escape the wilderness. Even if you are a Christian, but are trying to do it yourself, it won't work" (p. 262). What a great reminder for all of us!

Next on my list to read...Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.

Calm my Stomach

Today I found myself asking God to calm my stomach. Most people pray "Lord, please calm my heart in this difficult situation." I, however, asked God to calm my stomach. When I get anxious about something, my stomach goes haywire. I almost push myself to the point of ...well nevermind.

The reason I needed God to calm my stomach was I was going to take the train all by myself to a large city filled with crime. I won't tell you what city because that's "asking for trouble" as my dear mother would say. My husband was originally supposed to go with me, but he had to work. Story of our lives.

My middle brother, Luke, had a jazz band concert in this large, crime-filled city. So, I couldn't not go. (Did you know that many linguists are advocating for the acceptance of double negatives?) I live 900+ miles away from my family. Luke came here with his high school jazz band as a sort of last hoorah before going to college in the fall. No humane woman would pass up the opportunity to see one of her family members perform a concert in a nearby crime-filled city when she lives so far away from said family member.

So, I begged God to calm my stomach and took the train to the large, crime-filled city all by my lonesome. I was freaked out at first because the train system in this large, crime-filled city is confusing and cumbersome. Normally I have my logical husband there to look clueless figure things out with me. I was on my own this time. As usual, I figured out the cumbersome steps easily enough.

Once I got on the train, a new flood of worries swept through me. Where do I sit? What is the proper etiquette? How many rows should I keep between me and the person in front of me? Is it more acceptable to choose the side of the train that has three seat in a row or two? Do I leave my orange ticket on the seat when I leave, or do I take it with me? Is it weird to tell the conductor "thanks" when he punches my ticket? Are the others around me going to think I'm reading my book too slowly? Should I keep my purse on my lap, or put it next to me? Is it weird to lean my head against the window? Is this designated as a quiet car? Are you allowed to text on a quiet car? Should I answer my cell phone? Do I stand up before the train stops so they know I'm getting off?

Those are only some of the questions that were whirring through my brain on my hour-long train ride. I'm obsessed with what others think of me. That's why I need God to calm my stomach.

Even though I was in a mild state of panic most of the trip, I did take time to enjoy the ride...somewhat. I've always harbored this secret desire to have a fancy cubicle job in a big city that involved a long commute on some sort of public transportation. I've always wanted to be able to read a cool classic novel while riding public transportation. So, I brought A Tale of Two Cities to read along the way. I felt so literate. The thought did cross my mind that I could get used to this sort of life. Maybe I'll have to apply to teach in the public school system of this crime-filled city. Or not. My prayers would be more along the lines of "God, please help me disarm my student without the gun going off."

Anyways, the concert was great. The train ride was great. The feeling of accomplishment when I pulled into my driveway was great. God calmed my stomach as usual. I am safe at home watching episodes of Monk. Monk reminds me a little of myself. Maybe that's why I like the show so much. What he needs is some quality nouthetic counseling, as my husband would say. Or maybe he should just ask God to calm his stomach.