Coping with Grief

Disclaimer: I don't want to sound heartless and insensitive in this post. I truly hurt for those who have experienced tragedy. I just want to find a way to help all of us know how to deal with tragedy whether we are directly or indirectly affected by it. This is NOT targeted at any one person.

Lately I've been pondering tragedy. For some reason I read several blogs that talk about tragedy a lot. I've been blessed with a life that is relatively tragedy-free. All of my grandparents, parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, and siblings are still alive. In fact, my husband and I were able to have all eight of our grandparents at our wedding. All eight of those grandparents are still married to their original spouses. That's unheard of in today's society. Both my parents and my husband's parents are happily married to their original spouses as well. My husband and I both have full-time jobs. So do our parents. Most of our friends are happily married or are happily single. We are truly blessed. Since my life is free from tragedy, I have no clue how to comfort friends in times of tragedy. My typical response goes something like this, "I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. I will definitely be praying for you." Or, I avoid the topic all together and try to talk about something else because I figure they are sick and tired of people only talking about their tragedy.

A blog I happened to be reading didn't seem to approve of my method of comfort. This blogger experienced a horrendous tragedy and blogs about it quite frequently. She didn't seem to like those types of comfort phrases because they seemed trite. I understand that, I just don't know what the right thing is to say. She's not the only blogger to do that. Most bloggers who blog about tragedy leave out what they want those of us looking on to do. Us "outsiders," if you will, want to comfort our hurting friends. We are absolutely genuine in our efforts. Some (not usually me) give advice because they feel they are genuinely supposed to help their friend get through their tragedy. Although, I get really ticked when friends post statuses filled with hurt on Facebook and then some well-meaning person totally tries to downplay their suffering by saying, "Just wait until...happens. This circumstance will seem like nothing compared to that." Have a heart. Most of our bumbling efforts, however, are out of a desire to be loving and helpful. Most aren't because we want to lord our superiority over our hurting friends (except for those snarky status commentators).

So, what I'm trying to say is this: hurting people we want to help you.  We love and care about you. TELL us what would comfort you. HELP us understand your needs. As good friends we want to "be there" for you. We would do anything in our power to help you. Let us know what you do want us to do and what you don't want us to do.